Earlier today a man by the name of Bill Barnwell released a top five NFL offenses list that makes me ask, what the hell kind of drugs are ESPN’s employees getting into? Now look, Bill has done a lot of good work for ESPN but what the shit man? This dude put the Carolina Panthers and the Dallas Cowboys in the top 5 NFL offenses. Are you serious?! Seriously man what kind of drugs are you doing? I am genuinely curious to what this cat is on.
Bill you will never read this but please enlighten me, who is Carolina’s number one receiver? Mccaffrey, their running back? Now sir don’t get me wrong, he is a beast! He should be fed, but Pharoah Cooper, D.J. Moore, Robby Anderson, and Curtis Samuel are not a top five receiver group. The quarterback is Teddy Two Gloves, who is decent for sure! However I would not really call him a top 15 quarterback. So there is no way they are at 5.
Cowgirls in Top 5?!
The Dallas Cowboys at 3 and then Cleveland at 2?! seriously man?! Look Cleveland is insane on paper for sure and I think they will be a hell of a lot better than last year. You can argue Cleveland in a 5 so I will let you off the hook, you’re stoned about 2 though. Now as a WhoDat I gotta bust your balls a bit on the Cowgirls at three and the WhoDat Nation not being represented at all.
Dak Prescott can’t get a long term contract meaning his team doesn’t trust him. He had a terrific QBR but whoopty doo. Zeke is good, you could say three or four. Amari Cooper is playing lights out but who is the next receiver? Randall Cobb? You better get some crutches on the sidelines, he will be injured sooner or later. CeeDee Lamb may be the truth, then again he may not? Who ya got next buddy, Michael Gallup? Boy someone ought to slap you silly.
New Orleans Offense Belongs in Top 5
You really mess me up leaving the Black and Gold out. 1st ballot hall of famer under center, best O-Line in the league, definitely best two offensive tackles. Then there is “Captain Kamerica!” as my WhoDat Mr. Stan Bradley likes to call him. His back up is an animal that held it down in Minnesota, Mr. Latavius Murray. Barnwell don’t look now numbnuts, but then we have the best wide receiver in the league, Mr. Can’t Guard Mike! Number two, we have Emmanuel Sanders. We still have, Hill, Tre’Quan, Jared Cook at tight end, and then based on your logic with CeeDee, Trautman was projected the number one tight end so boom! Then toss in the fact our backup QB tossed up over 5000 yards last year. The black and Gold should be the second best offense!
My list goes,
- Kansas City Chiefs
- New Orleans Saints
- Tampa Bay Bucaneers
- Baltimore Ravens
- Cleveland Browns
Let me know what y’all think. Do you agree with Mr. Needs a urine test? Do you lean towards my list or do you have one of your own?